How to do nothing and get promoted

Posted: January 2, 2015 in Uncategorized

By Ittai Bryan Matthew Nyamawuya-Masanga

Jacket on the back of the chair technique
An age-old technique used by many over generations. Just leave the Chinese made ‘Gucchi’ suit jacket on the back of your chair then pop out to pursue some extra career-cula activities like convincing one of the baby-mamas not to file for maintenance. In extreme cases, leave the jacket even for the night so it is there early morning giving the boss the impression you are a highly motivated worker. It works best if one’s supervisor practises ‘management by walking around.’ You can check into the office anytime between 8:30 to 9:00am and leave as early as 3:00pm.

Schedule emails, SMSs, etc.
Program your emails (even tweets) to send at 10:30pm or 4:05am so your managers are under the impression you are a workaholic. With the majority of managers in big business or public sector still not appreciative of communications technology and tools, they are easily convinced that an email at midnight means you are awake and working. They see you as dedicated to duty and who better to promote when the opportunity comes? An email at 8am gives the impression that you are already in the office even when you are still at a roadblock negotiating with traffic police over the bribe money.

Who is responsible for Boko Haram?

Who is responsible for Boko Haram?

Get a job where there is no clear relation between input and output
Public sector is best for this. With an inefficient supervisory system and already demotivated supervisors and with no projected targets or deadlines to meet, how will they know you are just loafing around? Let us take the education sector for clarity’s sake. A Grade 4 teacher schemes his own work for the term, teaches the pupils at his own pace, sets the tests and end of term exams and awards the marks. How will they ever determine whether he did a great job or not?

In small and upcoming ventures, the bosses are hands on and pay attention to every detail, which gives one very little skiving chance. If you hold a certain position, you are directly responsible and answerable for any skirmishes and that keeps one uptight. That is in sharp contrast to big companies where a department consists of close to 10 workers and you work as “teams.” You can slack and let others carry you through just like the Psychomotor Minister.

Join old-line companies
Ageing managers still live in the world of typewriters, the more advanced ones still stick to Windows 95 and are yet to appreciate that an Excel spreadsheet can do in minutes what they do in hours. Since they still live in a world where tech is slower, they have low expectations and are not fussy on deadlines, which gives one a lot of nap time.

Always come up with brilliant ideas for others to execute
Everyone wants to climb the success ladder and all workers are looking for an opportunity to impress the boss and be promoted. That makes them willing slaves. Just come up with seemingly good ideas for them to execute whilst you chat away on WhatsApp.

When you do finally get the promotion, life becomes simple. You only need to delegate your work to other people while you spend days attending international conferences, charity events or networking with investors.

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