By Prince Charles Dickson
In Nigeria, these are interesting times, or rather strange times, as a commentator, you are at odds, what really is wrong with my nation, the political hallelujah men are at work, as 2015 approaches.
The clueless ones are flexing their muscles and we are watching cluelessly.
Let me take a few picks, “Nigerian witches and wizards have bad news for Edo State governor, Adams Oshiomhole, All Progressives Congress (APC) National Leader, Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, and newly elected Emir of Kano, Mallam Sanusi Lamido Mohammed Sanusi II. On the other hand, they have cheering news for President Goodluck Jonathan regarding his re-election chances.”
These are some of the outcome of an emergency meeting they recently held at Afuze, Edo State.
The leader and spokesman, Witches and Wizards Association of Nigeria, (WITZAN), Dr. Okhue Iboi, at the same meeting, said the days of Abubakar Shekau, the Boko Haram leader, are numbered.
They specifically predicted that Shekau will be captured before the end of December 2014, and paraded on the streets of Abuja and Maiduguri for the whole world to see.
“We witches and wizards in Nigeria have sealed the fate of Shekau. His days are numbered.
He will be captured before the end of December, and contrary to the image and impression he has been creating that he is a warrior, after his capture, he will start singing like a canary bird.”
“An ordinary eye can’t see what we are seeing in the coven world.
Leaving the witches and wizards, we continued in our clueless endeavor at nationhood, with threats, some Arewa Youth Development ‘onething-something’ asked that Southerners leave the North because of XYZ, and some phantom registration of Northerners in the southeast continues to raise dust.
As Osun state polls draws near, the PDP and APC have also continued their exchanges of no value, and we the clueless ones still do not see that both parties are reminiscent of the two mouthed snake with same belly.
The clueless political class has continually engaged us with clueless drama, in Adamawa state where we now know that Atiku only makes noise, while Jonathan flexes less than his 20-40% power.
While I ruminated on how the default setting of a nation can be set on “confusion and being clueless”, I got this mail from a reader, barely a sentence—The National Confab is almost done, what did we achieve, I read your last week admonition on it being an Ole peoples home…?
My answer is put in this old management fable of the ant–Every day, a small ant arrives at work very early and starts work immediately. She produces a lot and she was happy.
The Chief, a lion, was surprised to see that the ant was working without supervision. He thought if the ant can produce so much without supervision, wouldn’t she produce even more if she had a supervisor?
So he recruited a cockroach who had extensive experience as supervisor and who was famous for writing excellent reports.
The cockroach’s first decision was to set up a clocking in attendance system. He also needed a secretary to help him write and type his reports and he recruited a spider, who managed the archives and monitored all phone calls.
The lion was delighted with the cockroach’s reports and asked him to produce graphs to describe production rates and to analyze trends, so that he could use them for presentations at Boards meetings.
So the cockroach had to buy a new computer and a laser printer and recruited a fly to manage the IT department.
The ant, who had once been so productive and relaxed, hated this new plethora of paperwork and meetings which used up most of her time!
The lion came to the conclusion that it was high time to nominate a person in charge of the department where the ant worked. The position was given to the cicada, whose first decision was to buy a carpet and an ergonomic chair for his office.
The new person in charge, the cicada, also needed a computer and a personal assistant, whom he brought from his previous department, to help him prepare a Work and Budget Control Strategic Optimization Plan.
The Department where the ant works is now a sad place, where nobody laughs anymore and everybody has become upset.
It was at that time that the cicada convinced the boss, the lion, of the absolute necessity to start a climatic study of the environment.
Having reviewed the charges for running the ant’s department, the lion found out that the production was far less than before.
So he recruited the owl, a prestigious and renowned consultant to carry out an audit and suggest solutions. The owl spent three months in the department and came up with an enormous report, in several volumes, that concluded: “The department is over staffed.”
Guess who the lion fires first? The ant, off course, because she “showed lack of motivation and had a negative attitude”.
From the confab, to many things Nigerian, we are simply dancing in circles, now it is the Boko Haram Victims Fund, at the same time seeking $1BN to fight Boko Haram, while the dudes are having a field day in Borno and environs and a hairs breath away from other parts of the nation.
It is obvious that we don’t get it, Yes, we have problems, but in truth we are just creating them by the day, rat, do not chew the doctor’s bag on purpose, and doctor, do not starve the rat on purpose. Where Nigeria is headed, witches and wizards and clueless ones cannot tell—Only time will tell.