A President’s UN Address

Posted: September 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

By Jaafar Jaafar

It’s my honour to address this august gathering of the United Nations. I am equally delighted to attend the first-ever High-Level Plenary Session of the United Nations on the Rule of Law, the spirit of which was bequeathed to me by my late boss, who passed away on the 5th of May 2010. May his gentle soul Rest in Peace, Amen.

Honourable Sec. Gen., first I must commend you for coordinating the affairs of the United Nations with more than 190 members. Managing affairs of this secretariat is not an easy task. But compared to my country – which is just a like a forest – United Nations is like a test tube. That is why it is difficult to easily measure achievement in a forest. Nonetheless, I will highlight some of the achievements of my administration.

Despite my commitment to rule of law and equity, it may interest the assembly to know that I am the most criticised president our country ever had. We have evolved a number of policies with long-term benefits, which people will benefit in the future. But despite this barrage of criticism, I remain steadfast, doing what I know is good for the country.

We are very close to reaching a milestone, a point where petroleum subsidy will be completely withdrawn. Petroleum subsidy removal is good for the economy of our country, just as cassava bread is good for our health. That is the reason these two issues become the thrust of my agenda.

Our country is currently submerging under flood waters. While ordering Julius Burger to clear the flood waters from the roads, I also told my ministers that the best way to address the issue is for people to learn swimming and diving. We will make this compulsory for all Nigerians in order to reduce the perennial flood deaths. I have already directed the Federal Road Accident Corps to immediately start issuing diver’s license to Nigerians who are certified fit to swim and dive. Those outside the creek, now have opportunity to learn diving and get license.

As I once said in one of my great speeches, “The dream that any Nigerian child from Kaura-Nomoda to Duke village; from Potiscum to Nsuka; from Isale-Iko to Gbocko town will be able to realize his God-given potentials, unhindered by tribe or religion and unrestricted by improvised political inhibitions.” Honourable Sec. Gen., I still hold on to this belief.

The challenge of Boco Haram crisis is coming to an end. I’ve already decided to award Shekarau and Abu Qaka a multi-million dollar contract for the security of churches, telecom masts and schools in the North Delta region. The same thing I did to my Naija Delta militants. Currently, there’s no oil bunkering or pipeline vandalism in the region. This is a good example of rule of law. Alhaji Asara and Mr Tampico have all benefitted. Militant is not ahead of terrorist or insurgent. We are treating them the same in the spirit of Rule of Law.

Mr Sec. Gen., this august assembly should note that I am the most impartial president my country ever had. When I decorated a business mogul Alhaji Alinco with GGCON honor, Nigerians hailed me because of his contribution to the provision of employment opportunities. That boy Alinco, who Fordes magazines declared the richest black African, is one of the pillars that hold the collapsing real sector of our economy. It’s surprising that some people criticise me for being biased in order rubbish our effort. This year again, in the spirit of equity, I also conferred another business man, Mr Mic Adenooga.

The National honours award was established by National Dishonour Act No 5 of 1964. The act empowers the president to honour deserving citizens. Since 1963, a total of 4,426 merit awards have been conferred on Nigerians. I contributed 979 to this number. This really is no mean achievement even on the international scale.

My dear colleagues, the world may notice that I recently showered N5 million to each of our gold medalist paralympians, just as I directed my defence chief to give N200,000 to the families of soldiers killed by Boco Haram sect. I do this in the spirit of equity.

Mr Sec. Gen., my fellow heads of government, assembly men and women, our country has four major tribes today. We had three major tribes before, but my government increased the number to four. We now have, in alphabetical order, Ausa, Ejaw, Ibo and Yoroba. This has never been achieved by any government before my administration. Hardly anyone can tell which tribe between Ejaw and Ausa is the majority, or between Ibo and Yoroba and vice versa.

On the planned introduction of N5,000 note by the Central Bank, many people were not even aware that I even proposed a denomination much higher than 5,000. My plan was to introduce different notes for different individuals. For example, I proposed 620,000 notes for Members of the House of Refs, while the 5,000 can be used by the general public. The logic behind my proposition, which idle social media critics vehemently rejected, is to check corruption.

Our electoral commission under Professor Dahiru Jaga-Jaga has conducted the freest and fairest election ever in the history of our nation. Having won the election with a landslide, the commission deservedly declared me winner. We gave them more than N80 billion for the election and we are willing to give them more money to provide permanent voter’s card. It will interest this august assembly to know that currently, Sierra Leone is trained by Jaga-Jaga on how to conduct election.

The securities and exchange department under unassuming amazon in person of Ms Rigima Oteh is doing great job. The market is appreciating by the day as she rids the department of corruption. She is embodiment of transparency and rule of law.

As one of the future economies of the world, I am glad to inform you that our country is on the path of economic growth. My coordinating minister of the Economy Dr. Ojoro Wahala is also doing great job.

While reiterating my government’s commitment to Rule of Law, I will however end my address with a pertinent request from this august assembly to consider our country for a permanent seat at the Security Council of United Corrupt Nations.


  1. Esenwa says:

    The trip was unnecessary in the first place just like many of his other trips given the flooding the States in Nigeria the deaths of citizens etc and bombings What is the benefit?

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