Fake Faked Faking: Nigerian Fakism

Posted: July 28, 2012 in Uncategorized


By Prince Charles Dickson

The leper said two things, one of them being a lie; he said after he had struck his child with his palm, he also pinched him severely with his fingernails. (One fools only oneself when one claims to have done the impossible.)

I was almost at loss on where exactly to pick my admonishment on the Nigerian malady. I honestly believed that for once I will have the rare privilege of writing on something positive.

In Jos, Plateau state, apart from the death a fortnight of Senator Gyang Datong. The Berom/Fulani/STF saga was virtually on every news plate.

After few days of dance-around, “all that Fulanis should leave their homes to chase out some marauding gun men turned out ‘fake’. As one report puts it, the Fulanis went back home forcefully after refusing all the food, camp relief and negotiation etc, and another reported the STF asking them to return.

This is not about a problem in which as far as I am concerned has defied solution but about, the fraud of purpose by all concerned, which has resulted in it defying solution.

Reminds me of, the killing of Osama, I imagine Obama making announcements days before the drone attack telling villagers to leave.

Fake: prepare or make (something deceptive, or fraudulent) to fake a report showing nonexistent profits.

Like all the banks that were nationalized, banks which the House of Representatives are accusing Sanusi Lamido of nationalizing via forgery and fraudulent means. The Legislative House itself one that has in the least been deceptive in its various actions.

Fake: to conceal the defects of or make more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc., usually in order to deceive: for those who have forgotten, rewind to January we were made to understand that the economy was doomed and that all our problems would be solved. The remedy was just a small painful increase and uhuru.

Alas, some 150 plus million Nigerians were deceived by a few thousands. Faking, pretending, simulating, a nation clowned by leadership and citizenry good at faking it all. We saw all the energy, the town hall meetings, the House of Representatives that met on a Sunday…all part of the fake dance of transformation.

Fakism, you wake up in Nigerian owing your kids school tuition, rent is due, utility bills past deadline, no fuel in the old battered Toyota corolla. And you are greeted ‘good morning’ by your neighbor. With a big fake smile, your response ‘fine, fine o’ and for spiritual effects you add. “We thank God”.

What don’t we fake in Nigeria, Raji Bello puts it succinctly, a ‘FAKE NATION’ –The week opened with the government warning about a fake copy of the Petroleum Industry Bill (PIB) in circulation online (Leadership, 17th July).

Then the Delta State governor warned about the existence of fake traditional rulers in his state and called for their arrest (Daily Trust, 20th July).



Next, WAEC was forced to issue a clarification that is has not yet released the May/June 2012 results following the emergence of fake results in circulation (Punch, 20th July).

Also, a fake army Colonel, Tunde Saheed was paraded by the police in Abeokuta (Punch, 20th July).

Finally, a disclaimer was published in Daily Trust of 20th July about one Aminu Adamu Kwara, a fake son of renowned Islamic scholar Sheikh Dahiru Bauchi, who has been going around collecting some holy cash on behalf of his “father” to mark the Ramadan season.

Just a week in the life of modern ‘fake’ Nigeria…

We fake the laughable, like making to appear otherwise than it actually is, our Under 16, 19 and 21 that are full with men that remind you of when birthdays were noted by the particular yam season, meaning, these are seriously adulterated old men who after a visit to the barber claim to have just got into Junior Secondary.

Then we fake the serious, like the bogus Indian hospital in Abuja with doctors best described as imitation, wasting away the lives of innocent Nigerians while the Nigerian Medical Dentist Council are massaging the ringworm rather than treat it.

How do we explain a nation in which its First Lady is a permanent secretary? She’s not been to work in four years, but her elevation paper says it’s due to her hard work, and all that ‘fakism’ associated with the cacophony of sycophants.

Nothing is wrong, if she were an ordinary wife to the president. But here she’s not…here she commissions a naval war ship and represents Nigeria on international level and is supposed to be subordinate to a commissioner overseeing her ministry. Who is faking who, pretentious pretence and we wonder what a fake people…

I know a former legislator that all through his term ‘serving’ his people and Nigerians spoke English with some British accent. Well that’s not the issue, the fact is though he is yet to be convicted, and may never be. He wore white, I mean he never wore anything other than white, yet, he was accused of very dark things.

A cover story (active cover-up), untrue explanation for a situation or untrue reason for an action, to hide what is really going on or is the real motive–It may involve real actions and objects related to the story to make it plausible. Ask Farouk, Femi, the Nigerian Police, SSS, top PDP hierarchy and they will tell you how $620 disappeared; now we hear the court will decide.

Check out their names Daniel, Danjuma, Abdullahi, Joshua, Jolly, Iyabo, Matthew, Vincent, Bode George, I mean no top thief by EFCC rap sheet had the name Maibarawo, Judas, Saul, or Maichikudi, Nwaoshi, Olaole. So even the names we adorn are fake names as they are far from our actions.

My president had a media chat that reminds you of when a relegated team plays well, you wonder where all its good play laid so much that it got relegated. While he promised, and gave hope in his own understanding. He did not give a damn that the lines to the villa were ‘fake’ and that in itself an indictment of his backyard.

How about the fake promises on Boko Haram or that template of we are on top of the situation while the situation deals daily with Nigerians who are below. Few really care again about the president is pained and condemns and will get those responsible…because it is fake…an empty promissory note.

While we fake knowing God more than the angels, Alhaji Inuwa Usman and Alhaji Chindo M.D. Bose, both leaders of the Taraba State chapter of the Muslim Council allegedly conspired with Reverend John Simon Jatutu, who was the Special Adviser to the State Government on Religious Matters to divert part of the funds approved to the council by the state government towards the celebration of the country’s Golden Jubilee.

The Taraba State government had in September 2010 approved N42million for the Christian Association of Nigeria and the Muslim Council for purposes of the 50th Independence celebration.

Both faiths shared the money equally with each getting N21million but the three accused persons cornered N10m from the Muslim Council share of the grant and declared only N11million to the council.

They did not fight, two Muslims, one Christian, they were not tied by God but by money. Employing the hands to make things disappear is called stealing. The Euphemistic circumlocution does not relieve a crime of its true nature. The sword cannot tell the smith’s head from others.

Let Nigerians remember we cannot pretend and fake that all is well, natural justice does not play favorites. Time will tell


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